It was the Sunday before Christmas, and my holiday spirit had been low. Work deadlines were being rushed ahead of the break, emails piling up faster than I could respond. And as the only child- with barely any cousins to grow up alongside, the quiet adulthood felt louder this time of year. It also didn't help that my apartment held zero signs of Christmas decor. Not a twinkle of light, not a scent of cinnamon, and not even a simple stocking. I quickly showered, completed my 5-minute makeup routine, and slipped into an all-black athletic two-piece. Nike sneakers tied tight, I layered on a long black and white houndstooth coat and headed out, I was in hopes that moving around would help shift my mood. My first stop was HomeGoods. I browsed through the leftovers of mismatched Christmas ornaments, boring printed wrapping paper, an incomplete set of wine glasses, plates and bowls. Through it all, I was happy with what I found. And then I saw it. The espresso machine. The same one that had been sitting in my online cart for over a month. Without hesitation, I grabbed it along with every barista gadget. Then a few cozy pajama sets. A perfume giftset for Layla. A few candles. Decorations. Anything that caught my eye. My cart filled quickly, scratching the shopping itch that I didn't realize I needed to soothe. Next stop: At Home. I wasn't expecting much but there it was. The smallest Christmas tree left in the store. Not bad for fifty percent off. Loading the tree into my backseat. I smiled to myself. Maybe last-minute shopping isn't so bad after all. On my way home, I made one final stop at Noir Lux Coffee. I wanted a bag of beans to brew through the holidays-something warm, indulgent, nostalgic. I wasn't sure how the energy would feel if

I saw Chris. And then I did. Chris was sitting with Layla. My chest tightened for just a second, but I pushed through it. I refused to make things awkward-especially not now. I walked over, calm and composed. "Hey, you guys," I said. "I'm having a small Christmas party this Thursday at 12:00 PM. If you're interested, you're more than welcome to come." They both smiled. They both said yes. and just like that I grabbed my coffee beans and headed home. Back inside, I unpacked my new espresso machine, brewed a Cookie Butter latte, and pressed play on a classic Christmas playlist. As music filled the room, I decorated my space slowly and intentionally. The little tree was perfect, it glowed, the apartment softened. The energy shifted. I felt it. 

Joy. So joyful that I lit a gingerbread- scented candle, slipped on a peppermint face mask, and ran a bubble bath using my new gingerbread and vanilla body wash. Warm water. Delicious scents. Peace. Joy. For the first time in weeks, I felt settled. Then my phone chimed. Russel: Can I spend Christmas with you? With wet thumbs and a heart that didn't over think this time, I replied: Yes. My place. 12:00 PM. Last minute shopping. Last minute party planning. Apparently, that was all I needed to find my Christmas spirit. And maybe- this holiday was about to change everything. 

                                                                      To be continued