It was the Sunday after Halloween, and I've been floating on cloud nine ever since that night with Russel. Our last conversation-blurred by too many drinks and too much honesty- played on repeat in my mind. But as the buzz of that memory faded, so did the illusion of love. Russel had a pattern; he showed up as the man I could almost love, only to disappear when things began to feel too real. The weight of that realization pressed heavy on my chest. To escape my own thoughts, I decide to play Cowboy Carter act II from beginning to end. I guess my own patterns didn't work. I typically would feel sad or lonely, listen to music that explains how I feel while still feeling all of the feels. I desperately needed to disrupt this pattern by getting out of the apartment and finally trying Golden Haze, the last coffee blend from Noir Lux Coffee's October collection. Just as I slipped into my Sunday routine slowness, my phone lit up with a text from Layla. "Are you showing up to yoga today?" Right on time! I needed this. "On my way" I eagerly replied. I quickly changing into my forest-green leggings set and tied my hair into a loose bun. On my way to the yoga studio, I made a quick stop at the coffee shop-grabbing two iced Caramel Popcorn Lattes. One was for Layla. It was the least I could do after ditching her at the Halloween party. As I entered the yoga studio, the smell of the coffee shop followed me. Layla's eyes softened when she saw the two cups. "I'm so sorry about the other night", I blurted out of shame. Handing her the coffee, "I had way too much to drink". I continued. Layla smiled. "It's okay, September. You don't owe me an apology". We then rolled out our mats, filling the room with silence that said more than words could. After class, I invited Layla back to my apartment to catch up. "Red or white?" I asked, pulling two glasses from the cabinet. Over wine and a bowl of last night's gumbo and rice, we drifted through talks about work, dating and everything in between those easy surface-level conversations that feels safe when your brain is still processing and your heart is still healing. Then came a knock. My heart leapt before my feet even left the floor. I ran to the door- half hopeful and half terrified. It wasn't Russel. It was the building's concierge, holding a bouquet of flowers and a small card that read: "Just thinking of you." My heartbeat pulsated into confusion. Since Halloween, there had been no calls, no texts, no knocks. After everything he'd said, I couldn't tell if I've been waiting for him to show up and stay or to never show up again. I stood there, flowers in hand, staring into the quiet. So deep in my thoughts, I didn't even notice that Layla had already let herself out.

                                                                    To be continued...